Nathan's story- title in the works! ESL student in Taiwan looking for feedback

Hi everyone,

So if you didn't see the story I posted on my instagram (@taylorteachesinternational), then let me give some quick background!!

I am actually a primary teacher, teaching grade 1 here in Taiwan, but I do some private 1-on-1 classes on the side to help supplement funds (Y'ALL KNOW WHAT I MEAN!).

This student, Nathan, is a student I have been working with for almost 3 years (!!!) and he is awesome. He is going into his first year of high school (here it's referred to as senior high school exclusively) and is 15. He has such a wonderful personality and thrives on learning and growing! He enjoys classes and will even come into class with his own topics that he wants to research with me in English or work that he has done outside class just to show me and let me check over to give more feedback. He goes to an all-Chinese school, but they do have an "English class" mostly where they are taught English IN CHINESE (eye-roll here). Nathan's parents lived in America for a good portion of their lives. They studied there, gained citizenship, got married, and had 2 or their 3 children before coming to Taiwan. Nathan never got to live in America, but he wants to go and study there. His parents are both fluently multilingual, and Nathan and his sisters can participate in English conversations extremely well. Reading and writing are a bit trickier, which is where I come in to support them :)

This story is one that he started writing when I didn't have a writing prompt for him one day (LOL @ me being soooooo prepared) and he's really ran with it. He's LOVING finding ways to excite and interest a reader. We're learning about grammar, he's gaining some writing tips and tricks and practicing spelling (which can be tricky). In the comments below, give us any feedback you can provide!! But also remember he is a 15 year old kid who is writing this story in his second language for fun and practice... if you have nothing kind to say, please don't participate. I will delete any disrespectful, unkind, unnecessary comments.

Thanks everyone! And without further ado, here is Nathan's first 2 chapters of his story (the title is still in the works!)

xoxo Taylor

Chapter 1

There was an earthquake in the morning. Buildings were shaking, and students were screaming. After a few seconds, everything became silent.

Although most people in Taiwan are used to the earthquakes, students still like to scream. For them, that is one of the ways to make noise during class. Things go back to normal after the small earthquakes. (TEACHER TIP: This will connect back later he says, so remember it!)

After school, I still can’t leave because of the night study, so I had prepared some bread for my dinner. I sat alone and ate it quickly outside the night study classroom. Then I went inside for class.

After night study, my friend Ted told me that he forgot something in the classroom. The problem was that, other than the night study classroom, all of the buildings are closed after 5 p.m.

Ted wanted me to go with, he said he knew a way that can get into the classroom. I followed him and he found the basement was still open. The basement is the only place that connects all the buildings in the school.

Finally, we got into the building where the classroom is. After walking the stairs in the dark, we eventually made it and we walked in. The thing Ted forgot to take was his lunchbox. Although it was dark, we can still see it. Ted grabbed his lunchbox and we left.

On the way back, I felt something following us. I looked back and saw someone I felt like I shouldn’t meet. In the basement, a guy wearing a white hood was looking at us. Ted saw it too, so he ran away in a hurry and I followed him. We made it to the door, flung it open, and we heard the basement door slam close right after we ran out.

Chapter 2

I went to school today, but Ted didn’t. Everything was normal during classes.

Meaning, the guy with the white hood didn’t appear. I wondered who the guy was, but I didn’t see the face. The basement was too dark.

After thinking so much about it, I decided to go down again. After the night study, I went to the basement door. The door was locked this time, and I realized something was wrong. It shouldn’t be open during night.

When I first came in school, the teacher told us that all the buildings will be closed at five everyday, and the basement door will be closed at six.

We came there at eight yesterday. So why was the basement open then? It might be because of the white hood, or maybe there was another reason.

Since I didn’t have the key, I decided to go home.

The streets were dark, and there weren’t any cars on roads. Although it was night, there should still be more people outside. I thought this was strange.

I was walking to my apartment complex. It was already nine o’clock. I had a weird feeling, so I stopped walking and looked behind me. There were a bunch of feathers along the pavement where I had walked. This was strange, but I’m too tired to care. I took the elevator, which has a mirror in it. I looked into the mirror and I was shocked at what I saw.

There was a pair of wings on my back! Bird-like wings! The bird-like wings were spreading and there were feathers flying around me. After few seconds, there were only few feathers left on the boney wings.

The elevator took me to the 5thfloor, where my home was. When the elevator doors opened, the wings on my back and the flying feathers just disappeared.

Chapters 3 + 4 coming Monday 7/15

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